How to Fight Negative Thoughts
81So You Can"t Fight the Feeling? Neither can I!
Sometimes I just can’t do it. You know, fight the feeling. I was sitting here processing the fact that I struggle incredulously with the task of ‘fighting the feeling’ when a major emotional event takes place. I usually go on my merry way but have a constant battle making the thoughts go away. I can be doing great and then WHAM, the reminder hits with a vengeance and attacks from within to reach out and grab that feeling/emotion (usually negative or hurtful) back again. It’s almost like glue sticking in my brain reminding me of the action. I guess it’s part of OCD (obsessive/compulsive thinking) without the compulsions. Good grief, is this too deep? Does it go way back to the “inner child” who was forgotten? I don’t want to go back there. But I do want to go forward.
According to Peter McWilliams in the book You Can’t Afford The Luxury Of A Negative Thought, we each possess a thought pyramid consisting of three major things: THOUGHT, FEELING, ACTION. This gets complicated and difficult to understand but there’s truth in the theory. The three must work together to produce a positive outcome. If one is missing, then the outcome is either 1) negative 2) not at all or 3) dysfunctional. So what the heck does that mean? Here’s a simple way of putting it. I feel like I want to ride my horse. I’m thinking about going out to saddle him for a brisk canter. Yet, I do nothing. No action follows the thought and feeling. So I don’t ride my horse, he doesn’t get the benefit of the exercise and I don’t benefit from the activity. That’s a negative consequence. So what if I have a strong feeling about something that I really want and desire because it’s so wonderful and full of warm fuzzies? What if I impulsively jump into action without the third element, thought? Without any regulated thoughts to guide me, I could end up in a heap of trouble. Here’s a good example. I’m feeling down and depressed, having a ‘pity party’ and begin to want something to elevate my mood to self medicate. So my feelings and emotions tell me to get a bottle of wine to give me that warm fuzzy feeling that will make it all go away. The thought process isn’t engaged because the desire and need for that ‘quick fix’ is so strong. I then jump into action , drive to the liquor store, purchase a bottle of wine and drink the whole thing, thus blowing 12 years sobriety. There’s the negative result. My thought-action-feeling pyramid was broken so I paid the consequence. Rats. (No, I haven’t fallen off the wagon!)
What to do?
So what’s this got to do with obsessive thoughts that keep coming back to haunt me? Hurtful thoughts of feeling lost, being sad and experiencing anger? They are only thoughts , that’s all. Without the other elements, they’re useless. What I do with them is up to me. Here’s the reality: the thoughts, feelings, and emotions keep coming back to torment me. They are present. I tell them to go away, ask God to remove them, and they leave for a while, but then come back to haunt me. I have a choice about what to do with the thoughts. I can either linger in the feeling, continue in the thought, and do nothing (no action) about making myself feel better except think about how much I feel hurt, sad and angry…you know the deal. OR, I can get in action and try to do something about the recurring thoughts and feelings to turn them into a positive. Get it? I don’t deny the feelings and thoughts. They are real. So here’s my plan for a positive outcome to balance the Thought-Feeling-Action pyramid:
Safety Plan.
My thoughts : Negative. Why do I always set myself up for hurt? What’s wrong with me that others don’t want to share with me? Why do I get rejected? What did I do wrong to disappoint others? I want others to pay for what they’ve done to me. I want others to hurt for hurting me. I am a victim because others hurt me.
My feelings : Sad, angry, rejected & hurt. I want others to care about me the way I care for them. I want to feel loved. I want to feel cherished. I want undivided attention & acknowledgement. I want the warm fuzzies back to make me feel good again.
My plan of action : Write, express, share, acknowledge my feelings/emotions, give to others. I’m going to write an article about what I’m thinking & feeling so it will help others who may be experiencing the same thing. I’m going to express how it really makes me feel so I can feel better about myself. I’m going to share this with thousands of other individuals to create a learning experience for them. I’m going to acknowledge and not deny that I’m experiencing these thoughts and feelings at this time in my life, but I’m going to turn them into a positive by ‘being with it’. I refuse to allow the thought/feelings to own me. I’m going to continue to help other people in crisis through my job and by seeking a positive group therapy experience.
How about that for a plan of action! I’m going to attack those negative thoughts like a rat on a Cheeto!
Finally....
Here’s my thought for the day: Fighting the feeling; can’t fight the feeling, can’t fight the thought, but won’t quit trying.
“You can’t heal a wound by saying it’s not there!” Jeremiah 6:14 (TLB)
Other Suggested Reading:
- Compulsive Disorders: How To Manage Obsessive Though...
Do you struggle with obsessive thoughts that will not go away? Do you struggle with managing your intrusive thoughts? Read about the roll of the drug Luvox (Fluvoxamine)to treat obsessive compulsive disorder & obsessive thoughts. - 'How To Survive The Loss Of A Love': A Book Review.
Dealing with loss can be a difficult journey. Processing your grief is important for recovery. This book takes you through the healing stages, step by step, with a touching narration of your deepest emotions. - How To Overcome Depression: A Recovery Story
Although the effects of depression are devastating, the final result can be a life changing accomplishment, once you learn the cause and effects of the illness. Read about one woman's victory over this devastating sickness.
|
POSITIVE THINKING by Rabbi Lazer Brody
Current Bid: $.99
|
| No Photo |
Huna: The Ancient Religion of Positive Thinking, William R. Glover, Acceptable B
Current Bid: $26.03
|
CommentsLoading...
Very wonderful hub donotfear, I hope this will help you feel better. http://hubpages.com/_1jlnpyoil2g4b/hub/theuniversa
Smart, truthful and helpful hub. Being human isn't easy, but the ride is worth it!
I think a lot of us suffer from negative feelings that consume our every waking thoughts at times. Sometimes I experience these feelings so badly, that they keep me awake at night. I agree with you that simply ignoring it doesn't help, putting together an action plan to combat such feelings is really the best thing to do. Thanks for such simple, yet effective tips. I know that sharing your thoughts and feelings will not only help others, but will help you as well.
Guys, thank you so much for your uplifting comments. It means a great deal to me to hear from people who are positive & real. It goes to show you that when things are wrapped up in a pretty package and all seems very, very well with life, the reality is things are not always okay, though they appear so. So we must learn to deal with the unhappy moments, as a season in time, and learn from it. Thank you again for your comments.
you are so insightful...it's true, some things, even though wrapped up in a pretty package, are not ok... you have a wonderful way of expressing yourself and in doing so, have helped lots of others...thanks for sharing
A very thought provoking hub. I enjoyed reading these very interesting points. I think we are all like that and just have to take a step at the time.
Keep on with these wonderful hubs! Very thoughtful, thank you.
you really should have been a shrink...putting action towards your negative feelings to combat them, sounds good..you really are an insightful person...hugs
Very nicely expressed, DNF. Great job, great research, great plan of action! Thanks for sharing.
G
This was a good read that I couldn't have read at a better time. Thank you and keep it up!
Your feelings, thoughts, and actions were beautifully conveyed by your writing. You've inspired me to do two things, write a Hub about another ingredient and re-post a response to your comment on one of my Hubs making certain you get it.
LOL Absolutely, er if she is anything like Ewe Sweet little lamb DoNotFear :))
My gimmick didn't work as evidenced by the fact that, although over 130 ladies visited that Hub via facebook, I am still the only member...
No, I didn't post this Hub to my female facebook friends. Who wants to look stupid twice?
Please have your Sis' email me at rascal.miles@gmail.com (mention donotfear on subject line) or you can send her addie to me there.
LuV Ya ~ Rascal Russ
Way to go Ras! I'll forward your hub on to her...she'll get a kick out of it.
Another great article! What I do...crank the music, right now I'm hooked on the "Wicked" sound track, it helps me re-focus and helps the bad thoughts go away. I pray a lot too!
Yes Jane, that's a great coping skill. What I find amazing is how we can experience a thought & feeling about something that is potentially lethal, then struggle with the action to correct it. We individuals with inflated sensitivity have to learn coping skills or else we self destruct.
Thank you for sharing this helpful Hub. It has a positive premise which is important to a healthy and vigorous life. Good Job.
Because this is an important subject, its reference no doubt shared by many, please allow me to include another model, that of the Tetrahedron (a polyhedron with four planes, each plane being a triangle), and its use in the instruction of (believe it or not) the Safe Operation of a Forklift Truck. Sometimes called a “stability triangle”, there is the critical necessity of the CENTRE of GRAVITY always to remain somewhere inside this (three-dimensional) graph. Otherwise the truck WILL tip; and the ramifications of this hazard are plentiful. This happens when either the LOAD being carried exceeds the truck’s designed CAPACITY, or the VECTOR (force due to speed and direction) the truck moves in becomes too great. When either of these two conditions are not satisfied, the result is that the center of gravity moves outside the bounds of the tetrahedron, causing the truck to tip in the direction the centre of gravity has moved. Of course we mechanical types (OK, I’m a gear-head too) that can better understand this particular style of geometric representation, transpose each element into a representative human behaviour model, such as one which you bring forward.
Godspeed donotfear, to always be stable.
Thimothy: That's deep. But I can see where you're going with it. Only I don't understand the logistics of geometry, physics, etc. I'll leave that to my son who has a dual degree in physics/astronomy. Anyhow, your articulate comments are very welcome and appreciated. You are really a deep thinker! Whew! I thought I was a bit too obsessive, you know, wanna analyze every human behavior. But it just comes natural. Seems like it helps me cope when things go crazy. Just sit down, figure it out, create the structure and understand WHY things work or don't. Great information you have!
Great information - all I can add is start each day with making a list of everything you have to be grateful for to try to vanquish any negative feelings.
This is really good advice. I wish I would have followed it before. Glad I found it.
Acknowledgement is 1/2 the battle. It is interesting how something will spring up, to tell us, yes I am still here! Now it took time for me to realize this, yet now I know, this is a tell-tell sign...it is time to face the problem.
The problem that I burried has now, resurfaced. It is cool though, that when it seems to resurface, I am older and more able to deal with it, with God's help! Great Hub-Page:)
hear4theword: Yes, it's true. The acknowledgement is half the battle. Now we've gotta tackle those sad feelings/emotions. Heck, I'm fighting it now!!! With a frenzy. Thanks for the encouragement and reminder to practice what I preach!
thankyou so much for this article, you expressed everything i feel too, except you managed to put it into words which helped me so much! im an obsessive thinker always have been, it's just now i've let this one particular scary thought ruin my life...with the help of your article i realise its time to make a change! thankyou!x
Anon: Wow, thank you so much. I'm glad my article has helped you. If possible, try to seek the help of a good trained counselor who can assist you with coping skills training. You're over the first hump, but now it's time to get in action and learn ohow to fight it! Good luck.
But the drugs don't work
Either does suppressing them
Every morning I take time to sit, think write, talk to myself, to any one any thing, a pet or a teddy is a good listener. But most importantly I listen to those thoughts and try to understand them, myself. I get angry, I look old through tears and sometimes I just stop and become part of a helpless numb void. But still I listen, I take that time because I'm worth it.
What childhood? What life? When you get the treatment I received, endured, it's hard.
I was systematically abused emotionally by my family who I always loved, still do and who I have always wanted but they don't seem, even now in my 40's to want to know. I couldn't be emotionally attached to anyone, so guess what I needed them even more. I would wake up every day feeling terrible. thoughts plagued me throughout the day. I'd ignore them to my perril! Until through painfull thought, writing, etc I found that it was also me that moved away from them. I was different I could never belong with them. To be them I would have to change me.
It's basic, a triangl needs the two bottom supports to be strong. 1 good thoughts of future, 2 no baggage to stop you from achieving your future.
I can love my family, although from a distance.
I'm glad I'm me, very proud to be me!!!! although I do say so myself ;))))))
smiler:
What a courageous story of overcoming! I'm so glad to hear that you developed your own coping skills & learned a way around the negative thought process. It takes a very strong individual to do it on their own, especially when no one tells you how to do it! It sounds like you learned to detach from the hurtful part & use it as a learning tool to develop new skills. I'll just bet you aren't the only one who is proud of you. Congratulations!
When we are negative, we can never hope to win and you brought out the true drawbacks of negative thinking.
mathira, you are right. I'm glad you recognize this.
Georgiakevin 2 years ago
This is an incredible hub written by a very intelligent lady. I agree with you that it is too easy to get feeling down with negative feelings energy. i also agree that our feelings determine our actions and that our actions effect everyone we come in contact with remotely or directly. This is awesome!